connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize