I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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