I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
