How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
