I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
