she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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