There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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