so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
