Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
wow bdsm is so cute
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
