More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
