It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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