I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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