How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
