If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize