Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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