So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
