Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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