apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
