it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize