i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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