My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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