So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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