When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
