You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
