You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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