No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
