K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
