There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
