I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
