Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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