btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
