I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
