Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
