Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
