i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
