Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize