i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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