where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
