and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
