dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
