im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
