at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
