btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
