I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize