the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
