you guys were way drunker than both of me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
