cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
