If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
