I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
