what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
