quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
don't judge my taste in strippers
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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