we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
