great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
please come you make the beer taste better
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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