Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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