my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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