She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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