Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
