Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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