I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
