he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
