Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
