Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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