Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
