i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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