Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
