so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
