he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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