Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
