Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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