I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
