arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
