For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
