"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
