Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
