well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
