just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
