I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The uberlube is also flammable
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
