Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't deserve a penis
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
