Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
