You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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