Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
