i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
