I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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