you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
