I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
