Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize