kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
