as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
