You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
