nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize