I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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