hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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