She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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