It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
