New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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