my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
