It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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